With drunken and emotive spontaneity, I gatecrashed the 20s Plenty snowboarding tour of Chamonix. A group of twenty-somethings (hence the team name) from Dunfermline with a penchant for stunts and drinking, they reminded me of myself at that age. Like a stag-do without a stag. Rather than a daily diary, I’ve braindumped amusing anecdotes from the trip below.

Outward flight: Little girl overhead saying to her parents that she’d heard “Lady Gaga was a transformer”. Six ingredients guaranteed to result in a plane crash on landing – late departure, slurring pilot, 6-inches of snow on the runway, pointless stewardess statements (“ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be coming through the cabin with a selection of wines to complement the food you’ve just eaten”), ridiculous incestual laughter and chicken as an in-flight meal.

Steve: Another elderly, honorary member of 20s Plenty, Steve was on-the-wagon due to health problems despite offers of transplants from myself and the boys (although I think I had convinced them that kidneys grow back). He graciously accepted the paternal responsibility of “designated documenter” during our inebriated apres ski. Like a war correspondent or nature documenter, Steve captured the moments but couldn’t interfere with his subjects regardless of how messed up the situation got.

Beej: Despite spectacularly defeating Mr Incredible in a dance-off (view video), my little brother Brian (aka Beej) managed to overextend his rotator cuff with two days of the holiday left. Hitting a jump way too fast, Beej starting to tip forward mid-air before landing on the front of his board and tumbling for ages. After we had all stopped laughing, a make-shift sling was fabricated MacGuyver-style and Beej was grounded for the last couple of days.

Conditions: Several staggeringly perfect days. Days that made me question my agnosticism as scenery and weather combined flawlessly – check out my photos on Flickr and please leave comments.

McDonalds: Ozzy (17) demanding a happy meal (TM) at midnight. “Until we get rid of medicine, humans cannot evolve” – Beej. “Ronald McDonald is not a f*cking magician” – Anon.

Overall, an awesome trip. So awesome, there’s a song to comemorate (to be sung to the 12 Days of Christmas):

12 baths for Steve

11 o’clock wake-ups

10 frames of bowling

9 duty-free bottles

£8 a Cola

7 20s Plenty

6 days a boarding

5 diff-rent hills

4 letter words

3 sixties

2 black-out nights

And an all-girl Norwegian ski team.